Thursday, August 07, 2008

A New Day with New Problems!

Hi every one!
I am not ignoring all of you! I am home and enjoying that immensely! But the day after I got home, my computer refused to work for me! It is in the shop now, being repaired. I hope I get it back soon. Right now I am on the computer at the library. Talk to you again soon.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Photo Tour Continues..........

This is the residents' garden. All the beds are raised to make them wheelchair accessible. The Garden Club 'meets' every Friday morning for some serious planting, weeding or just sitting in the sun.
On my journey around the grounds in my new scooter, I came upon the ruins of this left-over stone structure from the past. I love ruins! They hold a special magic for me - a sense of wonder. What was this in a former time? Was it a home? Was it a garden shed - or maybe a chicken coup? Maybe the gardener lived here, or perhaps a doctor. West Park has lots of history. In the late 1800's and early 1900's it was a sanatorium for children with tuberculosis. The sanatorium was closed in 1974, torn down and rebuilt as a rehabilitation hospital.
Another shot of the ruins. It was completely overgrown with wild grape vines - absolutely beautiful!
And finally, the sun, setting on the place I called home for 8 weeks. I am grateful to all the staff for the treatment I received as a patient there. They were all wonderful, making my stay so much more enjoyable. From the nurses who made my bed the way I liked it to the doctors who insisted on finding out my official diagnosis, everyone treated me with dignity and respect. I never felt like a patient! I am also grateful to the Physiotherapists, who helped me re-learn how to walk and climb the stairs again, the pool therapists who lifted me in and out of the pool so that I would be allowed to 'walk' in the water when I couldn't do so on land and the Occupational Therapists who recommended equipment to make my life more bearable and who had me do mental and physical exercises to get my mind and body back in shape. I made some wonderful friends at West Park, from the woman with whom I shared a room in my final week, to the residents who attended Coffee House, Pub Night, the Garden Club and Craft Club. One of the residents presented me with a card on my last evening, thanking me for being nice to her during my stay. (Sorry, folks, I'm wiping away a tear at the moment.) I will keep in touch with her. I plan to make some afghans and lap quilts for the residents who will spend the rest of their lives at West Park. At least I was able to go back home. Some of them don't have that luxury. And lastly I want to thank one special person, with whom I was able to discuss life and the world we live in. She made my stay, not only a physical journey to ambulation and self care, but a psychic journey to a healthy mind as well. If you read this you will know who you are! I feel privileged to have had the chance to meet you and hope that one day our paths will cross again.

A Photo Tour of West Park Healthcare Centre


Pathway through central park. A nice shaded place on a hot afternoon.
The gardens leading out from the second floor. I looked down on this fountain from my room. The roof in the back actually covers the front entrance leading from the main floor.

A view towards the Recreation Centre. On humid days I found huge toads. hopping around in the courtyard below.
I called this the Secret Garden. There was a gate which I had to go through to get into it. I was reminded of the book, "The Secret Garden", which was one of my favourite books when I was young.

Another shot of the Secret Garden. I loved these wooden columns and raised flower beds!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I'm Home!


The window in the corner, behind the trees on the top floor was my home for the past 56 days, but now I am home! Hurray!!!! It took a long time to get here. I was packed and ready to go at 9:00am this morning. Then it took almost the whole day to get all sorts of things ironed out before I could leave. (like follow-up doctor's appointments and finding a place that will provide me with physiotherapy on an outpatient basis.) We made several stops on the way home and we were smack dab in the middle of rush hour, so the drive took forever! I am now totally worn out, but happy to finally be back in my own home. Mimi is happy too! She has not left me alone for a minute since I got here. I took some more photos of West Park a couple of days ago. I found the place to be very photogenic. Is it possible for a place to be photogenic? Oh well, anyway, I was able to get some interesting shots which I will post tomorrow.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Strawberry Social at West Park


Ontario strawberries are at their peak! And there is nothing better than a Strawberry Social to bring folks together for music, contests, fun and, of course, food! Yep! You guessed it - the food of the day was strawberries and ice cream! Yum!


West Park is a friendly place, with lots of gatherings for patients, residents and staff alike. On Thursday they held their annual Strawberry Social. Everyone was brought to the park in the centre of the complex by volunteers and staff. A band provided the musical entertainment. Huge bunches of helium-filled balloons were tethered to 'strawberry' weights. Ribbons and streamers floated from the trees. The organizers wore bright aprons made out of strawberry printed material and 'Strawberry Shortcake' caps. There was even a 'hat contest' to judge the best strawberry-decorated hat! There were prizes for the winners. And of course, strawberries and ice cream for all! The weather cooperated to the utmost! The temperature was in the high twenties (celsius) and there was no humidity! The sun twinkled through the tall trees, creating just the right amount of shade to provide comfort. I rode my new scooter out to the park. How exciting! It was so nice to be independent! In my wheelchair, I would have needed help to get up and down the hills, but in my scooter I can go anywhere! Don't worry, I will show you photos of it at another time. A great time was held by all at the Strawberry Social!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Cat Without a Past

This is Mookie, my daughter's cat. He is a regal cat - very sure of himself. Always ready to take a nap on his favourite cat tree. His light orange coat made him standout among other cats. He was a hefty beast, weighing around 19 pounds. Recently though, he started to lose a lot of weight.My son found this handsome feline about three years ago and tried to contact his owners when he saw the signs which they had posted for his return. But they did not think that Mookie was their cat, even though he looked exactly like the photo on the poster and everytime some one called his name, he would look up at them, seeming to smile. He would come running to sit on my chest and purr in my face every time I went over to my daughter's place to visit. No one knows exactly how old Mookie was. He seemed much older than the vet's estimate. And although we wished he could talk, he could never tell anyone what adventures he had had in his life up to the time that he came to live at my daughter's house. He was a sophisticated cat. He would sit calmly on his cat tree or nap happily away for hours. My daughter was instructed, by the vet, to get Mookie to exercise more because he was so huge. She would run around her house with some exciting cat toy on a string so that Mookie could chase it. But usually he became bored with this 'game' after a few rounds of the livingroom, dining room and kitchen. Then he would just sit down in one spot, smacking the toy as my daughter ran by with it, until she was exhausted. Mookie believed in conservation. He did not want to waste his energy on a silly toy. After all, there was always some napping to do. And Mookie did the nap thing very well.

Over the past couple of weeks, Mookie had lots of medical tests done on his once healthy body. The vets' diagnosis was cancer - probably some kind of glandular cancer. There was nothing they could do and they said that he was in a lot of pain. Mookie stopped eating and drinking a few days ago and we were all sad that we could not do anything to make him feel better. It seemed as if this loyal friend deserved more from us.

Mookie passed away this morning, as he lay under his favourite shrubs in the garden. Well, actually any spot in the garden was his favourite, for Mookie loved the great outdoors. He would roll in the newly planted petunias and sniff every branch of the cedar bushes that were within his reach. The vet was kind enough to make the trip to my daughter's house to put Mookie out of his misery. No sterile veterinarian's office for this furry friend. He died peacefully in the garden. Goodbye Mookster!! We love you! You, the cat without a past, will remain in our hearts forever.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

A Poem

A friend suggested that I read the book, "You Can Heal Your Life". by Louise L. Hay. In it, Hay describes her beliefs about life and the world. She claims that we each decide to incarnate on this planet at a particular time and space. We come here to learn a specific lesson so that we can advance our spiritual evolutionary pathway. We choose our sex, colour, country and look for a set of parents who will help us to actualize what we want to achieve here on earth. I was intrigued by this because I have always looked at people who were living a difficult life as being more evolved than I am. I thought that they had achieved a higher level of existence, that I still had a lot to learn and many more trips to make to this planet in order to reach a place where I could be free. Hay goes on to claim that we can cure any illness that we have by simply forgiving our past, moving into the present and loving ourselves. It seems so easy. As I read through her book, I was beginning to believe her theories, until I came to the section where she lists all the ills of the world and tells her readers how to overcome them. Pimples, for example, are small outbursts of anger which can be cured by having calm thoughts and being serene. Having malaria means we are out of balance with nature and our lives. We can cure it by telling ourselves that we are united and balanced with all life. What I want to know is... how does that malaria-carrying mosquito know that we are out of balance? Why does it bite us? Can it sense our imbalance? I guess she kind of loses me at that point. But I still believe that we have to pay a price each time we are incarnated and each visit to this planet comes with a higher price tag. I am convinced that the 'residents' in this hospital (people who will spend the rest of their lives here at West Park) are more evolved than I am. I look at their twisted, contorted bodies and realize that I am still intact and have a long way to go before I will be as evolved as they are. I wrote a poem the other night, while sitting in my bed, thinking about life and all that it brings with it. Let me know what you think.




The beauty of a field of daisies
Their tiny blossoms turned to face the sun
Peace
I am breathless.
The stillness of an early morning
Broken only by a robin heralding the day
Hope
I am quiet.
The softness of a yellow butterfly
Fluttering from blossom to fragrant blossom
Carefreeness
I am thoughtful.
The sound of distant thunder
Rumbling like an angry god, disturbing the silence
Impending doom
I listen.
The clatter of a sudden summer downpour
Drenching the land, leaving sparkling drops to glisten in the immediate sunshine
Ambivalence
I am pensive.
The sight of wheelchair-bound humanity
Twisted into grotesque contortions, sitting, waiting, waiting...
Reality
I am humbled.
A shriek of laughter from an otherwise motionless mouth
Gladness in the face of adversity
Energy
I am speechless.
I am healing.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

My Backyard

Even without my care and attention - in fact, I haven't even been home - my garden is doing extremely well. I think it is all the rain we have been having lately, and of course, the mild and snowy winter that protected my plants and helped them to survive the cold. This is the strip of garden along the back of the yard. There are lilies, lavender, roses, phlox, shasta daisies, sweet wiliams, Maltese cross and even a few cherries, ripening in the foreground. I especially tried to keep the pool out of the photo. That is because it was just a large hole in the ground when I was home last weekend. We are in the process of filling it in. It is just too much work to look after. And with only a couple of months of warm weather each summer, a pool is just not practical. I hope to have some raised flower beds built in place of the pool. That way I will still be able to do some gardening from a wheelchair if neccessary. God I love gardening! I miss it! I can't wait to go home for good and get back into the swing of things. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! That will be happening soon - probably within the next couple of weeks! Am I smiling? You'd better believe it!

Monday, June 30, 2008

I Have Been Busy!

Look what I've made!

I made this afghan using many of my scrap yarns. I saw the pattern on someone's blog and decided to copy it. I am not sure if I did the pattern correctly, but the afghan turned out great! It is very colourful and every hexagon is done in a different colour combination. It was really fun to do! I still have enough yarn left over to make three or four more of these bright things!
Here is another afghan which I have finished. I went to Walmart a couple of weeks ago. It was a trip organized by the hospital. A wheelchair bus came and picked us up and drove us to the nearest Walmart store. I was able to wheel myself around, so I was allowed to just shop until I dropped! And I did just that! After spending so many weeks in a hospital room, it was really great to get out! Along with some other purchases, I bought two big balls of off-white Red Heart yarn and one big ball of country-blue Red Heart yarn. I also bought a book of afghan patterns. This is a Mile-a-Minute pattern from that book. It really worked up a mile a minute! I had it finished in a week. It is now on my hospital bed. Not only does it look homey, but it keeps me warm. I know it is summer and all, but this is a very cool year so far. And this place is air-conditioned so it is always cold!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

A Conversation With Mimi

Me: Hi Mimi!

Mimi: Meow! Oh, It's you. I wondered who that was climbing up the back stairs. I hardly recognized you! You look so different!

Me: Oh! You saw me on the stairs! Wasn't that amazing? I didn't think I would ever be able to do that again, but I did! I guess the exercises and physio with Kelvin have really paid off! But aren't you glad to see me? It's almost as if you don't want to look at me!

Mimi: It's just that you surprised me. That's all. I had given up on you. It's been at least 50 litter box clean-ups since you were home.

Me: I know. Hope everything is going okay here.

Mimi: Meow! Yeah, yeah. We get enough to eat and everything is nice and quiet - the way I like it. Meow! I have no complaints, but meow! You smell funny!

Me: Funny how? Like funny, haha or funny, strange?

Mimi: Meow! Weird! You smell kind of like human litter box and some kind of strong disinfectant!

Me: Oh, sorry about that. I guess it's a hospital smell.

Mimi: I don't like it! Meow! You used to smell nice, like the outdoors, kind of like plants and soil or fabrics and yarn. I used to like those smells!

Me: I know. Maybe it will not be much longer before I can come home for good. Can I pat you?

Mimi: Okay, but don't be upset if I lick myself clean right afterwards.

Me: I won't. I understand how you feel. You are so soft and sweet. When I come home next time I am going to brush you. I've missed you so much! I love you Mimi!

Mimi: Meow! I love you too, sort of I guess. When will you come home for good?

Me: In a few weeks, I hope.

Mimi: Oh, meow! That's good. Will you smell nice again then?

Me: I promise!

Mimi: Okay. Can I go back to my napping? It's nice to see you, but you are cutting into my nap time.

Me: Alright. Bye Mimi. See you later.

Mimi: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Hydrotherapy Pool

I feel very lucky to be able to exercise in the pool here at West Park. Not every patient has this opportunity. The water is around 94F. I can move my legs in the water and it feels great! It's sort of like I am free for a short time. The exercise is good for my wasted muscles. I go to the pool twice a week. Unfortunately the only way for me to get into the water is by this chair that lifts me off the ground and deposits me in the pool. Looks like fun, eh?

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Gardens of West Park


West Park is a beautiful place. There are lots of gardens and little secluded places to sit in the sun or shade. On Friday mornings a group of patients go out and work in one of the gardens. The beds are all raised so that it is easy to work in the soil while sitting in a wheelchair. I love gardening. so guess where I hang out on Friday mornings? I found some stones in the garden, so I picked them up and built some inuksuks. These are Inuit structures that are used to mark a route or food cache. Sometimes they resemble a human figure, but often they are just a pile of stones to leave a mark on the barren tundra. This one means that I have been here.


The gardens are full of flowers. Aren't these irises beautiful? They make me want to grab a canvas and paint brush to capture their exquisite beauty! More from West Park to follow. I have to take some more photos first.

The Latest Baby Blanket is Finished!

I haven't shown you much of my creative endeavours lately. That is not to say that I have been idle. Just that I wasn't able to download any photos on the computer here at the Rehab Centre. But yesterday I had an opportunity to go home and put the photos onto my home computer. So here is a picture of a baby blanket that I made last week. I used self-striping yarn by Bernat. My sister bought me the yarn so that I would have something to do while I'm here. The blanket turned out very soft. I have enough yarn to make two more!!!!

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Life at West Park Healthcare Centre

When I found this picture on the internet, I was reminded of myself, as I tried to get up onto a low step the other day. Just like this little guy, I landed on my backside! Crazy as it sounds, I am relearning how to climb up a flight of stairs, starting out with small baby steps.

I promised you a post from West Park. So here it is. This is an excellent hospital. If I can learn to walk again, this will be the place to make that happen. I go to Occupational Therapy every morning. They make me do silly games and stuff, but I have to do them standing up. They are also working on strengthening my upper body and increasing my endurance when I am on my feet. In the afternoon I go to Mat Class. There are usually four of us with an instructor. We lie down on beds, not mats (I'd never get myself off the ground if I had to lie down on a mat). Then we do exercises, like leg bends and lifts etc. When Mat Class is over, my physiotherapist, Kelvin, takes me to the gym. After all those months of sitting and not doing much, I have to learn to walk again. It's a strange feeling. My brain doesn't seem to be connected to my body sometimes. I want to lift my foot, but it doesn't want to go up.

On Thursday Kelvin was doing 'stair' exercises with me. He had me step onto a 1 1/2 inch box, to simulate a low step. When he was convinced that I could do that, he brought out a 4 inch box. I could get up onto it with my left foot, but not with my right. He had me practice stepping up and down. Each time he had me bend my knee a little more. On the fourth try, I lost my balance, my legs became rubber and accordion folded under me. Luckily I was holding onto the parallel bars and did not hurt myself. But it took a couple of people to get me back up into a chair. Not only had I lost my balance, but also my confidence. So on Friday, Kelvin decided not to take any chances. He put me in a sling and 'hung' me from the ceiling. Then he had me try the step again. After a long session, with lots of sweating and moaning and groaning on my part, I was able to step up and down, with my left foot while bending my knee. I could not fall because of the sling. On Monday I will try again. My confidence is slowly returning. Till next time.......

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Alien Abduction!

On May 7th, I went back to Sunnybrook Hospital to see the chief neurologist there. I had some more tests done in the EMG lab. The neurologist was flabbergasted by the results of those tests; my legs were getting worse! Doh! I could have told him that without any painful nerve conduction tests!
He was puzzled by my diagnosis. He had originally thought that it was a spinal problem, complicated by a very recent diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes. If that diagnosis had been correct, I should have been getting better over the previous 2 and a half months, but I was getting worse. After consulting with his staff, he concluded that my condition was caused by my autoimmune system. To put it in layman's terms, my blood cells were attacking my nerve cells as if they were foreign invaders! He told me this condition would only strike one in a million people. Too bad I didn't buy a lottery ticket. He decided to admit me immediately and start me on a course of steroid treatments given directly into my blood stream. Unfortunately there were no beds available at that time. I was sent home to wait for a call from the hospital. Finally, the following Monday morning I was told to return to Sunnybrook to be admitted. My stay at the hospital remains like a foggy dream that I couldn't wake up from.
It felt as if I had been abducted by aliens! I was probed and prodded, scanned and scoped. Blood was drawn daily for god only knows what. My fingers were pricked to test my blood sugar levels. Dyes were infected into my veins. A course of five steroid treatments was started. I was told I would feel good and energetic, but instead, I became moody and tired.
Every night was a challenge to sleep as the others in my room dealt with their own pains and suffering. I wondered how long I could take this treatment.
When the steroid treatment was completed, the neurologist returned to my bedside. I had a million questions for him, but he could not answer any of them. He still was not sure if I had been diagnosed correctly. He was not sure if the steroids were the right treatment, and he could not give me any definite prognosis. I asked for more nerve tests, but he said that they would not show anything. Apparently nerve cells grow very slowly - only about a millimeter per day. I would have to wait at least 3 months before any result would show up on the EMG tests.
It was decided that I would go to a rehabilitation hospital to strengthen my muscles and learn to walk again. But that meant I would have to wait until a bed became available. so, I waited and waited. Each day went by without a light at the end of my long dark tunnel. I was not supposed to get any more medical attention, yet I was still prodded and probed, pricked and swabbed. A physiotherapist gave me exercises to do while I waited. I was surprised at the amount of strength and mobility I had in my left leg. It seemed as if the steroids had helped - at least a bit. But my right leg, which had always been my strongest, was totally useless. All of my muscles had wasted away. I struggled with every minute of my day. I practiced my exercises and slowly made my way to the bathroom with my walker. I was a very impatient patient! But then the good news came!
The social worker, who had arranged my rehab, together with the physiotherapist, came to my bedside. They had curious smiles on their faces. Had my wishes come true? Would I be moved to a place where I could get better? I dared not hope!
"Good news?" I asked.
"We have found a bed at West Park Health Care Centre. Do you want to take it?"
Did I want to ? You betcha!!!
I was transported by ambulance on the following morning. And so ended my abduction. I checked my body for scars. I found lots of bruises, but I was not missing any vital organs. All was well.
More next time on my stay here at West Park. Right now someone is waiting to use the computer. Till then.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Just Checking In!

Hi Folks! I'm back on the computer.
All is well. I am in a rehab hospital at the moment, but I have use of a computer in their library for about 20 minutes. I will write more tomorrow.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A Bad News Day!

I spent my day at Sunnybrook Hospital yesterday. It is one of the best hospitals here in Toronto! My neurologist is Head of the Neurology Department, so I think I am in good hands. I had some more test done and then we waited for a bed. My doctor thought that I should be admitted immediately. Unfortunately they did not have a bed available! So much for all the cutbacks lately!! We went home and now I am waiting for a phone call to tell me when to come back to the hospital. I hope it will come today. I want to get this stuff over with!
I know that I haven't said much on my blog about my condition, but it has not been good lately. Since about a year ago I have totally lost the ability to walk. I am suffering from a lot of nerve and muscle pain and I can no longer put one foot in front of the other without the use of my walker. Sometimes even that doesn't work. Like about a week ago when I fell down as I 'walked' to the bathroom at 4:00am in the morning. I bruised my left foot very badly and have not been able to put my full weight on it since. Needless to say, I have not been able to walk at all since then. So now I have to sit in my wheelchair to get from one room to another at all times. I am too afraid of falling again. Yesterday, when I was at the hospital, the neurologist I was seeing told me that he is very puzzled with my condition. He has tentatively diagnosed me as having an immuno disorder. Apparently this is not a common disorder - only a chance of about one in a million of getting this! When I go back to the hospital today I will have to start some kind of steroid IV treatment. And maybe some Intravenous Immuno Globulin or something. I am not looking forward to that, but I know that things can't go on like this. Something has to be done!
So for the time being, I will just have to think positive thoughts, like those of the beautiful flowers that are growing in my garden. Too bad I couldn't take photos of all of them. It is too difficult to get around at the moment! But here is one of the urns I managed to plant a few weeks ago. These beautiful plants welcome all visitors to my front door. Because they are a couple of feet tall, I was able to reach them without any problems. I also planted a few other pots and a large container with some lettuce! I can hardly wait to enjoy a nice fresh salad - maybe in a few weeks or so!
Anyway, for the time being, these images will have to feed my psyche. I will need all the positive vibes I can get to make my way through all this treatment and hospital stuff!! Oh, did I tell you that I do not like hospitals! I guess there is no need to do so. No one likes hospitals!! Wish me luck. I hope to be back soon with some new creations.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

My New Bear Family

Finally! I would like to present my new Bear Family!

Let me introduce them to you. This is Sunny Bear with his partner, Oni Bear (I think Oni is the word for 'Bear' in Japanese. An aside to my Japanese friends. Please correct me if I am wrong) and their children, Posie and Peewee. I got the pattern from a new Yahoo group which I joined a couple of weeks ago. It is called, threadanimals@yahoogroups.com. I joined it to do the newest bear challenge, but so far I have not received the pattern. Maybe I didn't join the challenge properly. But, in any case, it doesn't matter because they have lots of patterns (for bears and other animals) on their site. I just chose a couple of those and adapted them to my liking. I think they turned out very cute! I will probably make a few more before my interest in bears wears off. I hope to make some clothes for the next ones! Wouldn't a little dress look great on Oni? Or maybe a little sweater for Sunny?
This is a close up of Oni and Peewee. More bears are in the process of being made, as I write this! I already have a bagful of 'bear body parts' that need to be sewn together! I will post them as soon as I have them ready.

HAPPY EARTH DAY!


Today is Earth Day! Hope everyone is doing their part to keep our planet clean and happy! Have you replaced your old, incandescent light bulbs with the new, compact fluorescent ones? They are much more energy efficient and last longer - many years, in fact. Do you drink regular tap water instead of bottled water? Those plastic bottles really add up when deposited in a landfill. I know they are supposed to be recycled, but now that the plastic used to make them contains Bisphenol A, which damages our endocrine systems, they can no longer be used. Canada has become the first country to official ban them. Tap water in a re-usable, stainless steel bottles is much better, both for us and for the environment - and it's cheaper! Perhaps you helped in a community clean-up. Thousands of people have picked up garbage in our local parks in order to keep our city clean. Planting a tree can be a pleasant pastime! On Earth Day thousands of trees are planted in parks, ravines and open areas across our city. They are the best defense against pollution! Trees provide us with oxygen! And where would we be without that? So do your part - turn off lights and appliances when not needed, or use cold water to wash your clothes and then hang your laundry on a line to dry. A family of four can save up to $90 per year that way! Whatever you are doing, keep up the good work! Our planet will love you for it! And we will have a legacy to pass onto our children! I wish all of you a Happy Earth Day!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Another Afghan Finished!

I guess it's about time that I posted something! Sorry to take so long. My sister gave me three huge balls of Red Heart yarn in two colours - aqua and beige. I had no idea what to do with them, so I decided to make an afghan. It turned out okay. So far it doesn't have a home yet, but I am sure I will find someone to give it to.

I have also been busy in the past few days, making some Amigurumi bears. These things are really cute! So stay tuned, you've just got to see them!!! I got the patterns from a Yahoo group site called, 'threadanimals' which I recently joined. It's a great site - lots of info and nice folks who like to help newbies like me! I will post some pictures of my bear family as soon as I can.