Okay! Okay! Now for my inspirational, philosophical and intellectual views of life! Has anyone got any catnip? Can have cheeseburger please? Cute, eh? I got that from the Meme lolcat website! What? No catnip or cheeseburgers? Okay, I will get on with things then!
Hmmm? You want to know the meaning of life? You are asking me, Oscar, the great philosophical guru? Well, you have come to the right cat! Okay, let me think. I guess I will have to come up with nine of them. Meanings that is. After all, cats have nine lives! Good thing I can count. I can count, can't I?
Number 1 - EATING!
A cat is nothing without food! And don't give me any of that cheap stuff! I want the $40 a bag kind from that gourmet place. Yummy!
Number 2 - NAPPING!
Never miss an opportunity to take a nap! Isn't that right Mimi? Okay! She's napping at the moment!
Number 3 - CHASING!
I know! I know! I look like a fool, chasing those silly things on a piece of string or that stupid laser light. And I see you laugh when I chase my tail! But hey! It's good exercise! You could all take a lesson from me! And anyway, what else am I supposed to chase? I am not allowed to go outside!
Number 4 - INSPECTING!
Every nook and cranny! I need to know where everything is. And when my owner brings something new into the house, it is my duty to check it out! Nothing gets past me! And of course, if she spreads a quilt out somewhere, I am the first to get up on it and check it out. Inspecting is a very serious business! This is what cats do best! No one is as good a judge of a quilt as a cat is! And besides, they are fun to nap on!
Number 5 - WATCHING!
Don't laugh! Watching squirrels and birds is the best thing in life! Who can pass up an opportunity like that? Those little critters are the most delicious, I mean, most fun things to watch! I like to sit where I have a nice overview of everything.
Number 6 - SCRATCHING!
Not myself, dummy! Scratching furniture! Sharpening my claws on chairs and couches. That's what is important! That's life! And don't remind me that some idiot had me de-clawed! It's not important - much! I still like to scratch things. And dig in the dirt of your potted plants. That's pure Ecstasy!
Number 7 - POOPING!
That's the end result of eating! But I'll bet you knew that! I know how eager you are to clean out my litter box each morning. So we both have our pleasures!
Number 8 - BEING CUTE!
I know you love me, unconditionally! But when I practice my cutesy poses, you just melt. Then whatever I have done wrong (according to you) like scratching, chasing, pooping, digging or eating, will seem so insignificant! It is my way of reaching your heart! That's life!
Number 9 - OH, AND DID I MENTION EATING?
Oh, I did! Well feed me already. I can't wait forever! Look at me. I'm wasting away!
And that's Life According to Oscar!
Oh, Oscar! You moron! You forgot LICKING! Licking oneself, that is! Not the kind of licking you guys do to each other! Yuck! But maybe that is fun for you! Licking is the most important thing that a cat can do! Nothing is more satisfying than spending time in self cleaning and preening! It calms the nerves and soothes the soul. And it keeps us clean! Just try it sometime! Or would you rather be put into a tub of water? Meow! Mimi